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Yes today is my 18th birthday today and I'm excited as can be! And I would like to thank all my followers and friends on deviantart for being awesome and nice. I'm so sorry that I've barely been on the site but I have a Tumblr now so now I don't have as much time to be here but I hope to put more stuff here soon.

Thank you everyone for supporting me. :)
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: For Once in My Life - Stevie Wonder
As a way to recover from the bore-fest of 47 Ronin, I decided to sit down with my brother and watch the Academy-Award nominated film The Descendants. And, well, here’s my review.



Here’s the plot in a nutshell:

A land baron tries to reconnect with his two daughters after his wife is seriously injured in a boating accident.



A genre I’m actually am quite fond of is familial dramas or comedies. I come from a big family and I’ve seen movies that have many familial elements in them (like Silver Linings Playbook, Big Fish and Despicable Me). So I relieved to find that this movie was enjoyable. Let’s begin the acting:


George Clooney is best known playing suave guys but here he plays Matt King as a struggling businessman and father. And he does a great job at it.

Shailene Woodley delivers a truly great performance as Matt’s teenage daughter Alexandra. At first glance she seems like she’ll be the stereotypical teenage brat but it’s quickly shown that she has depth to her and there’s a legitimate reason why she’s angry. Her Golden-globe nomination was deserved.

As for the rest of the cast they do good jobs including Beau Bridges and a small but great dramatic performance by Judy Greer.


Alexander Payne directs the film very well and his cinematographer Phedon Papamichael looks very nice and while not spectacular it still looks gorgeous with the film being set in Hawaii and all. It’s nice in the same way Andrew Lesnie’s cinematography for Rise of the Planet of the Apes is: it’s nice in it’s simplicity.

Alexander Payne also co-wrote the script with Nat Faxon and Jim Rash.  It’s a quiet yet strangely well written script with people who feel like real people. Kind of like Big Fish in a way.


However, the film is sadly not perfect. Alexandra’s boyfriend for example I found to be pretty obnoxious and I don’t know why he was in this movie for more than one scene. Though it was worth it to see him get punched.

Matt’s other daughter Scottie (played by Amara Miller) kind of disturbed me. I know children have their ways of coping with something as big as their mom dying but when a girl whom I assume is at least thirteen is talking about another girls…um…unmentionable hair and may or may not watch their friend’s dad’s porn movies and just overall acts too snarky for her own good something is seriously wrong.

A big thing that did detract was the soundtrack. It's not that I hate Hawaiian music but the happy-go lucky ukelele music and the bizarre vocals kinda suck the emotion out of the film and cause massive mood whiplash. I think a soft orchestral score like something by Thomas Newman would have worked better.

Another thing that keeps the movie from getting a perfect score is something my brother pointed out: the second sub-plot of Matt trying to debate whether or not to sell a large piece of land doesn’t really belong in the story. The main plot of the movie is about a man reconnecting with his daughters and dealing with his wife’s infidelity. Not much room there for a land-deal subplot.


That being said, I did like this movie and thought it’s nominations and it’s Best Adapted Screenplay win was deserved though it’s understandable why The Artist won because that movie is amazing. Had this movie axed the land-deal subplot and focused more on the father/daughter aspect or even more of Judy Greer’s character, the movie would have been perfect. But I suggest you watch it for yourself to draw your own conclusions.
The Descendants Review
I give the film an 8 out of 10.
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Traude and her group, unfortunately, were still stuck with the goblins who were currently bringing in things which obviously were torture devices. Although to be fair, the girls thought it wouldn’t be as torturous as the goblin kings singing. And sadly, he was singing AGAIN. And he was getting some kind of sick pleasure out of singing the following song:


Bones will be shattered, necks will be wrung!
You'll be beaten and battered, from racks you'll be hung!
You will die down here and never be found!
Down in the deep of Goblin-Town!


As the gobbling king wrapped up his song the bat-eared goblin grabbed Orcrist and began to unsheathe it. The moment he saw that sword he shrieked and threw it to the ground. The goblin king saw it and backed away as if it was from an alien planet.

“I know that sword!” he exclaimed “It is the Goblin cleaver! The blade that sliced a thousand necks! KILL THEM!!!”

The goblins were quick to throw all the girls to the ground except for Traude who managed to throw some goblins back before goblins smacked her so hard she fell to the ground and one of the goblins grabbed her by her throat and pulled out a huge knife.

“CUT OFF HER HEAD!!!” the goblin king ordered.

As the goblin raised his knife the entire hall was engulfed in bright light. Everyone and everything was thrown back and it seemed as if all the sound was muted. The light then disappeared and light slowly returned to the hall. The girls then looked up slightly and saw a figure walking towards them from where the goblin kings throne stood a few moments ago. The figure then finally was revealed when light finally returned to the cave hall.

It was Gillian. With her staff in one hand and her sword in the other.

The girls looked up along with whatever goblins remained and stared in astonishment. Gillian then looked directly at the dwarves.

“Take up arms.” She said.

The girls then looked at their weapons and then at Gillian.

“Fight!” she ordered “FIGHT!!!”

That’s all the girls needed to hear. They wasted no time in smacking the goblins away and getting their weapons. Gillian rushed in to join the action and sliced through two goblins with Glamdring.

“She wields the Foe-Hammer!” the goblin king screamed “The Beater! Bright as daylight!”

The goblins could do little to stop the girls because although they didn’t look it, the dwarves were good fighters. Very good. Most of the goblins barely got within two feet before they were sliced up or cut down.

The bat-eared goblin decided to try his luck and lunged to attack Frieda but Kamilla noticed just in time and in seconds the goblins sword and her sword clashed and with three strikes Kamilla slashed the goblins throat open and kicked him aside.

The goblin king had quite enough of these dwarves. He picked up his giant skull staff and charged at Traude, though due to his massive size who could only amble towards her.

“Traude!” Nadja yelled “Catch!”

Traude caught Orcrist just in time and then just as the goblin king’s staff went down, Traude drew her sword and the two weapons collided. The impact was so powerful and the goblin king was so fat and huge, that when Traude blocked the staff, he stumbled backwards and crashed into his throne which in turn collapsed under him and that part of the floor caved in and the goblin king and several other goblins fell straight down, screeching as they went.

Gillian by this point had joined the fight. And she was just as skilled as the girls despite her age. After slicing a goblin down and cutting another one’s head off, she quickly grabbed her staff which she had dropped by accident. Fortunately by now, almost all the goblins on the platform had been dealt with but more goblins were angrily charging via the bridge.

“Girls, quickly!” Gillian ordered “Grab your bags and weapons and follow me! Hurry!”  

The girls grabbed their bags and weapons and wasted no time in following after Gillian with the enraged goblins not far behind.


//////////


Brianna was becoming very tired of running but every time she heard Gollum shriek behind her she kept running and running. Each time harder then the last.

But finally, she came upon a dead end. A set of rocks blocked her path and she desperately looked for a way out. Gollum’s screeches were starting to sound closer. She looked up at the rocks. Darn, she couldn’t climb over them.

“Give it back!” screamed Gollum from seemingly a few feet away “Give it to us!”

Brianna felt shivers down her spine and looked all over for an escape route. Finally she saw something. Just at the center of the rocks was a crack in the rock formation large enough for a small person. No, make that a hobbit. It was perfect. She wasted no time in clambering through the hole as best she could as Gollum got ever nearer.

But just when she thought she was free, she suddenly felt a jerk on her dress and she fell to the ground. She then whipped her head around to see what happened. To her shock, her dress had gotten caught on one of the more jagged rocks.

“Damn it!” she hissed at herself.

She then leaned forward, got on her knees and tried to tug the dress free when she heard an all too familiar screech. She turned her head up just to see Gollum, looking enraged just a few feet away, his eyes filled with hate.

“It’s ours.” he snarled “IT’S OURS!!!”

Brianna then tugged on her dress with all her might and part of the rock came loose and her dress tore slightly. The sudden freedom of her dress caused her to fall over flat on her back. And when she hit the ground Gollum’s ring flew right out of her pocket and up in the air.

Before she knew what she was doing, she put up her right hand and to her amazement, the ring gently landed on her ring-finger and then suddenly everything around her turned black and white and looked as if she was looking through hazy, smeared glass in fog.

Gollum suddenly found his way through the crack and Brianna rolled towards the cave wall to Gollum’s left. She made sure to be as quiet as possible so that Gollum hopefully wouldn’t see her.

But to her amazement, Gollum acted as if she wasn’t there at all. He looked all over the place and snarled.

“THIEF!” he screamed.

Brianna just couldn’t understand. How could Gollum not see her? She was right next to him and yet it was as if she didn’t exist at all or had simply vanished. But then it clicked in her head when she briefly looked at the ring.

She was invisible.

Gollum then interrupted her thoughts by screeching one more time and running straight forward.

“Baggins!” he screamed.

Brianna then looked around. She decided that Gollum would probably show her the way out if he thought he was chasing her. And due to her new-found invisibility, she hoped it wouldn’t be a problem as long as she stayed quiet.

It’s worth the risk. she thought I’ve got to get out. I just hope everyone else is doing better then me.


//////////


During all of this, the girls were running through the goblin city with Gillian in the lead and a horde of angry goblins behind. The girls were running as fast as they could. Whenever a goblin or two got in the way the girls smacked them away with their weapons.

“Quick! Split up!” Gillian ordered seeing the bridge separating into two just ahead.

And so, Gillian took Traude, Gerlinde, Ophelia, Kamilla, Frieda, Barbara and Daniela with her to the right, whilst Daniela took Dorothea, Nadja, Ottilie, Bridget, Bertha and Beate to the left. No sooner had the two groups separated then two goblins came rushing at Daniela’s group but Daniela hacked and smacked them away before they could reach any of the other girls. Everyone stopped however when they heard more goblins coming towards them from the front.

“What’ll we do?!” Beate asked.

Daniela looked around for something other then swords and axes to fight of the goblins. She then looked to her right and saw a very long piece of wood almost as long as two crocodiles lined tail to tail that was part of the wooden railway. She ten barked an order in dwarfish and the girls quickly cut the ropes loose and the piece of wood fell to the floor and the girls wasted no time in picking it up as the goblins came into view in front of them.

“CHARGE!!!” Daniela yelled.

And the girls ran forward and then swung the stick to the right and smacked the goblins away and off they fell off the bridge. The girls quickly turned to stick to the left and smacked away yet another group of goblins. And then they swung the stick to the right and smacked yet another group of goblins. The girls then quickly dropped the stick and drew their weapons.

“Here we go!” Daniela yelled.

And onward the girls charged into the goblin ranks, cutting, slicing, stabbing and axing goblins as they went. They looked up briefly and saw Gillian’s group just above them fighting their own group of goblins.

The two groups eventually met up via the top bridge moving towards and then engaged the goblins in a fierce battle. Swords clashed and sliced through opponents, black goblin blood spurted everywhere and the girls wielded their weapons with amazing skill. Even Beate, whom the goblins perceived as the weakest, put up an incredible fight, for although she didn’t have a sword or axe, no one could wield a spear like she.

Although Frieda was having a little bit of trouble. While she finished off a goblin in front of her, another goblin jumped from behind a rock with a large knife and slashed Frieda in the back. Frieda screamed in agonizing pain and she fell to the ground, but never once letting go of her sword.

Frieda then looked up just as the goblin raised his knife to stab her. She prepared for the worst when suddenly two arrows flew from out of nowhere and struck the goblin in the throat and between the eyes.  Frieda then looked behind her and saw her sister run to her side, pushing a goblin over the edge of the bridge before finally reaching her sister.

“Come on!” she exclaimed “Get up! Let’s go!”

“G-Go on without me.” Frieda groaned in pain “It’s too far.”

“IT’S NOT TOO DAMN FAR!” Kamilla barked before turning to look at Bridget and Dorothea who were coming to help “COME ON! HURRY!”

“Right, then.” Dorothea said as she and Bridget helped Frieda up “Come on, quick. Easy now.”

Frieda winced in pain as they lifted her up and Bridget carried her and Kamilla got a chance to see the blood on Frieda’s back, which made her feel nauseous. Suddenly three arrows whizzed just over Kamilla’s head and hit the nearby rocks.

She whizzed her head around to see some goblins charging at them with some bows and arrows. Kamilla wasted no time in drawing her sword and dodging and blocking any arrows that tried to hit her sister.

“Come on, this way!” Traude ordered from just ahead.

All of the girls then surrounded, Bridget, Frieda, Kamilla and Dorothea and they charged straight ahead towards Gillian, Traude, Barbara and Daniela who had managed to keep path clear. The girls finally reached them just as another mass horde of goblins came up behind them.

“Come on, quickly!” Gillian said “There may be a wall out!”

As soon as the girls crossed the bride, Daniela cut the ropes and knocked it over and the goblins tumbled away along with it. The girls noticed that just ahead was an unguarded bridge. Dorothea and Nadja quickly picked up the pace and ran so fast that they outran the group and were the first on the bridge.

“We’re almost there!” Dorothea exclaimed happily.

Suddenly out from under the floor-boards burst the goblin king and he clumsily climbed up with his grotesque staff in his right hand and cuts all over his body with blood flowing down from his left ear. Dorothea and Nadja backed away into the other girls how now had goblins behind them and the goblin king on the other side.

Darn.
The Adventures of Brianna Baggins Chapter 21
Saying these chapters take a long time is an understatement. 
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As many of you probably have guessed by now I do like a good fantasy film as long as it’s not too dark. I also am a fan of Akira Kurosawa and in particular his samurai films. And then there’s bizarre stuff like 47 Ronin.



Here’s the plot in a nutshell:

A band of samurai set out to avenge the death and dishonor of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun.



Okay…in case none of you have ever heard of this film I don’t blame you. It came out the same day as American Hustle and The Wolf of Wall Street and was a massive flop. It did so bad that Universal was left in the dust for much of 2014 and I think they’re only just recovering. The film had an Apocalypse Now style nightmare production (though not quite as bad) and it shows. Let’s start this journey by going into…I guess we can call it acting. I think:


As you probably guessed from the poster I used as my review thumbnail, Keanu Reeves is in this movie and has an actual role as Kai (more on Kai a bit later). Reeves can’t act. Like, at all. He talks in a perpetual monotone that would make Alan Rickman fall asleep, has the same blank, emotionless expression and never, I mean NEVER, raises his voice at all FOR THE ENTIRE FILM. But that’s okay because he has all the stellar acting of white bread on Quaaludes.

Hiroyuki Sanada plays the role of Oishi much better, partly helped by the fact he is a well-known Japanese character actor. His character has the only interesting arc (a ronin looking to avenge his dishonored master) and I’ll admit it is cool to see him deliver samurai justice on our villain. Not a fantastic performance but far superior to Reeves.

Ko Shibasaki, the actress who plays Mika, is…okay. I mean she doesn’t want to make me punch her like Paula Patton in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (a review for another day) but she’s no Grace Kelly either. She’s a bit like Tao Okamoto in The Wolverine: doing okay for the first big movie but still has a long way to go. Interestingly enough, she has actually starred in other movies before this (all Japanese), so maybe there is room for talent in their somewhere.

Rinko Kikuchi on the other hand, was a lot of fun as Mizuki the Witch. She’s self-aware of how mediocre this film is and is having the time of her life playing the role. I wish she was in the film more because then we could have had a Raul Julia  from Street Fighter type villain.

Everyone else really doesn’t stick out except for Tadanobu Asano who plays Lord Kira who plays the role with all the menace of Nelson from The Simpsons. It’s like he’s trying to mimic Rinko Kikuchi’s performance but it’s clearly not working. Sorry dude. Maybe next time.


Ah now to the technical’s. Here’s where it get’s a bit more fun. Carl Rinsch had directed nothing but short films before this so he must bear some of the blame but I admit I don’t hate on him completely. There are director’s who’ve impressed with first time big film directions and from the way he uses his camera he looks like he could have done the film. Another reason to feel sorry for the guy is because the final film we have isn’t the film he wanted to make. Like, at all. And that the studio kicked him off the project before it was even finished. Poor guy.

The screenplay, I guess that’s what were calling it, is a mess in it’s plot. The movie will have an action scene then it’ll move at a snails pace for the next twenty to thirty minutes. The dialogue doesn’t help either with it being pretty forgettable and apparently glorifying seppuku. Um, guys, there’s this thing: it’s called banishment. Do that instead.

However, I will give the movie props for having very beautiful colors and shots via cinematographer John Mathieson. They looked great even though it had one too many digital elements.

Penny Rose’s costumes and also the production design and sets are I think the only things of feudal Japan that we’re done 100% right. The sets and designs look great and the costumes are beautiful to look at, especially Mizuki’s dresses. Again, bonus points that she’s played by Rinko Kikuchi.

The visual effects also look rather good, especially on the Tengu monks in their fight scene and on Mizuki’s transformations. Speaking of which, despite being precious few (and being a movie about samurai makes it all the more baffling), the action scenes are pretty well done and shot. They had a budget and I guess they knew how to spend some of it.

Although that giant, grey armored samurai drove me nuts because of two things: he was defeated in the most anti-climatic way possible for a henchman with his buildup and he was revealed to not even be a samurai but a machine. RIP-OFF. Nice armor and sword though.


Sadly, I can’t go into full details of the hellish production so I’ll put a link below to the TV tropes Trivia page for the film which also contains links about the production. Hope it helps. But what I can add is that Rinsch wanted to make a historical, Korusawa style drama but Universal wanted a fantasy film which magic and wizards and dragons and crap. And insisting Keanu Reeves be a lead.

And finally back around to Kai, who stands out as one of the most blatant male Mary Sue’s ever. Let’s see where to start? Possesses magical powers and weaponry no one else does? Check. Has a forbidden love story that contributes little to nothing in the plot? Check. Is almost always right about EVERYTHING? Check. Doesn’t defeat the villain in the end and only stops the henchman? Check. Is utterly pointless to the plot? Check that too.


Anyway that’s my review. Didn’t really like the film obviously. I was rather disappointed and bored actually. But I suggest you watch it for yourself to draw your own conclusions.
47 Ronin Review
I give the film a 4 out of 10.

Here's the link I mentioned: tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php…
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Yes today is my 18th birthday today and I'm excited as can be! And I would like to thank all my followers and friends on deviantart for being awesome and nice. I'm so sorry that I've barely been on the site but I have a Tumblr now so now I don't have as much time to be here but I hope to put more stuff here soon.

Thank you everyone for supporting me. :)
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: For Once in My Life - Stevie Wonder

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Jabberwocky1996
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I am a born again Christian and film and pony nerd. I'm a now 18 nerd looking to be noticed.
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:iconprincessronanduil:
PrincessRonanduil Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014  New member
Happy birthday! :party:
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:iconjabberwocky1996:
Jabberwocky1996 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014
Thank you so much. :D
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:icongamergirl14:
GamerGirl14 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014
Happy Birthday 
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:iconjabberwocky1996:
Jabberwocky1996 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014
Thank you! :D
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:icongamergirl14:
GamerGirl14 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014
you're welcome :)
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:iconjabberwocky1996:
Jabberwocky1996 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014
No problem. :)
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QueenThranduilinda Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014
I sent an angel to watch over you last night but it came back.
I asked, "why?"
The angel said, "angels don't watch over angels."
Twenty one angels are IN your world.
Ten of them are sleeping, Ten are playing, one is reading this message.
Send this to ten friends including me.
I guess if I don't get it back I'm not one of them. As soon as you get five replies someone you love will quietly surprise you.
Please read, not joking. God has seen you struggling with something. God says it's over. A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in God send this message on. Please don't ignore it. You are being tested. God is going to fix two things BIG tonight in your favor. DROP everything and pass it on. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Don't break this chain. Send this to 14 friends in 10 minutes.
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Pixx-73 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the fav. Thanks for everything! Have a nice day.
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:iconjabberwocky1996:
Jabberwocky1996 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014
No problem. 
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GamerGirl14 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014
Here's some good news gamergirl14.deviantart.com/jou…
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